The story of tiny things

The other day, a friend and I were talking about whether small or uneven breasts should be surgically enhanced and what size would be “enough.” In the middle of our conversation, she suddenly said:

• “Your chest is already big, so you can say whatever you want. My husband calls me flat-chested, so I have to think about it!”

I immediately fell silent.

I didn’t fall silent because she implied that women with bigger chests couldn’t understand the struggles of those without. I fell silent because I realized she wanted surgery simply because her husband criticized her. I fell silent because I realized my friend didn’t love her body and only wanted to look better for someone else (her husband), not for herself.

In this era of spas and beauty clinics springing up everywhere, many people around me are opting for cosmetic procedures, and I see nothing wrong with that. I’m not against anyone wanting to change their appearance to feel more beautiful, but I disagree if someone does something to their body because of someone else’s expectations (even if they don’t want to) or lets others dictate how they pursue beauty.

Recently, in a women’s group I’m part of, one member shared how her husband got angry when she got her lips tattooed. He criticized her, threatened divorce, and she even considered moving back to her parents’ house with their kids because of his attitude.

I started to wonder: how many women in Vietnam pursue beauty solely for themselves?

• Isn’t it because men prefer bigger breasts that women feel the need to get breast augmentation to attract them?
• Isn’t it because men like fair skin that women undergo whitening treatments?
• Isn’t it because men criticize their wives for being overweight that so many women, after giving birth, desperately try to lose weight and, when unsuccessful, resort to body contouring or tummy tucks to achieve a slim waist?
• Isn’t it because men judge women for having dark or “imperfect” intimate areas that women undergo labiaplasty or vaginal rejuvenation? Some even share in private groups that they feel they must “fix” their bodies before daring to date, fearing rejection.

So many reasons, but they all boil down to this: because men want it. Since when did women’s beauty, self-confidence, or happiness depend on men’s preferences?

Once, I admired a guy who I got along with well. But when the topic of breast size came up, he said, “Even fake big ones look better. Women should get breast implants; it’s simple nowadays.” I asked him, “If your girlfriend said she preferred men who were 6 feet tall, what would you do to get taller? Wear heels or stretch your legs? Or if she said she liked men with longer, bigger ‘parts’ and you weren’t well-endowed, what would you do? Tie a gourd or a zucchini to it?” He was speechless.

Back to my conversation with my friend about breast enhancement, I told her:

• “Big breasts are sexy and attractive. If you want surgery because you want to look more beautiful and confident, go for it. But if it’s because your husband criticizes you, think carefully. Your body belongs to you.”

When choosing someone to love and marry, we should consider all aspects – personality, finances, shared values, and even appearance. Marriage gives us the right to sleep with someone legally, but it doesn’t mean we own their body. If you want someone to change for you, it’s unfair. If they change because they want to, that’s different. In the end, pursue beauty for yourself, not for anyone else.

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